Summer1993

I took a walk with the beast to numb the stinging, and when the numbness stopped and the pain began again, my lips collided with someone else's, and I saw your face on the body of a stranger.

You know what I hate?

When people change.

It makes my heart swell with sadness.

in a draw-string pouch.
It's sequined with loneliness,
and festooned with despair.

I desperately want to write a poem, but the words aren't coming out right. They're choppy and slurred. They don't flow at all.

I'm up to my eye balls in scholarship essays, because I got accepted to USC, but it's so expensive. I don't want to take out student loans unless I absolutely have to.

This afternoon, I sat staring at the beach through a window, entertaining the idea of walking on the sand, lying on it, and staring up at the sky, but then I realised that it'd be alone, and there was only one person that I wanted to be out there with me.

I talked to the murderer the other day. He said "I've lost my only real friend of seven years in a matter of one week. I don't even consider him a colleauge or aquaintence."

And all I could think was,
Yea.
I miss him too.

I came home soaking wet, covered with sand, with my hair all messy. My mom is all like: Walk in. See this. Wat do? Then, she looks me straight in the eyes and goes "are you drunk?" and "were you having sex on the beach?"

Because I guess I come across as the type who always wants to have sexy time. This always happens, dammit!

Also, my ex is back in town for spring break. I'm ready for this week to end so he can go back to school. I don't feel comfortable with him being so close.

Hummmm.

I've said a lot of things, some of which I know you've taken to heart. I didn't know that every word, sentence, or mockery would become a link on the entanglement of chains that you now bear. I never meant to weigh you down, so much to the point that you rattle when you walk. I guess I just thought that by enslaving you, I'd set myself free. Truly, I'm sorry.